Today, I woke up and felt like crying. There was quite literally no time in-between me opening my eyes and then sinking into the ground. All of a sudden, for the past couple of days, I've become more aware of my loneliness. Cupcakes, friends, school....they are fun but not fulfilling.
I went and visited a couple friends last night, down in Provo. I never realized how much I miss them. But what made it difficult on me was seeing them with their boyfriends. I watched and this emptiness within me grew. And then their talk of family...
On top of it all, I'm going back into those kind of relationships we had with boys back in junior high; where I am crushing terribly on the popular boy, he knows I exist, but there is not click. He probably has a girlfriend anyway, with how perfect and amazing he is.
There's a song by Priscilla Ahn that kind of explains how I'm feeling. The lyrics, I think, are quite beautiful:
You've always been bashful, you're just that way
But your eyes are like billboards, they give you away
Your mouth is a trumpet, somebody else plays
Long after the notes gone, the tone usually stays
And your chest a fine pillow, with lining of feathers
Your hair is a family, with strands stick together
Fingers are keys from the grandest piano,
played by a line that the Lord only know
A tongue of an angel, floats in red wine saliva
Your teeth ravel porcelain, made by masters in China
Your face can't be captured by picture or words
And your voice is a music that I've never heard
And your skin is a cream, dipped out beyond measure
Your nose is a pink color, touched by the weather,
your fingers are keys from the grandest piano
Played by a soul that the Lord only knows
For the past few weeks, I've been wanting to write my own beautiful, lyrical poem, and maybe eventually turn it into a song....I'll try that this weekend.
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