I know I've asked a lot of you lately. And as I look back on it, things may have been a little selfish and undeserving. But I could really use the help this time. And I felt the need to write it out, so I can organize my thoughts a little better, and make sure I don't leave out anything. For my own sake.
I agree with the fact that my life has definitely taken a 180 flip since...2009. And I'm working at bettering myself every day. You know that. You're the only one who truly sees that. I want to be better. I desire the ability to do what I was once able to do. And I agree that I am much happier than just a year or two ago. But there is still this emptiness within me.
Now people tell me everyday that I'm young. Too young. But I beg to differ. I believe I have an old soul. A soul years older than the body it resides in. And you and I both know what this soul longs for.
I don't expect things to go my way. Ever. But it would be nice if something just...turned out right. No offense, but I'm tired of having things fall through--of things being executed, but failing epically.
Life is extremely difficult at home. And that's a big issue for me. There's really no place that I can turn to and say "This is home. I feel safe. I feel happy." And right now, there's nothing else in the world I could want more than to have a home (yes, maybe even of my own) to feel welcome in. A home to feel the spirit. But I can't accomplish this alone.
I need guidance through this tough time. Guidance to help me keep my mother and sisters on their feet. Guidance to help me make the right choices. Guidance to chose the right person...
I ask nothing more than guidance and peace.
I am ready.
Love,
Mary Jane
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