Break the Ice with Ice Cream

Well. It's done. I did it. I'm kind of amazed I actually told him. I swear the last time I told a guy that I liked him was when I was in 7th grade. This is new territory for me, and I'm frightened, and anxious, and antsy, and overwhelmed, and happy, and free and open to the world all at the same time. I kind of like this feeling. It's new, and I needed it, especially with everything else that is going on right now.

Jesse seems to be handling the news just fine so far. He's waving every time I see him. He laughed at me earlier today too, when I was studying for a quiz, because he knew I had problems with it.

I'm just not entirely sure I'm okay with his reaction just yet.

So on friday, I pulled him to the side after the choir concert, during the ice cream party, and was like: "When you get a chance...can I talk to you?" And I had to wait like..10 minutes before I could talk to him. His mom HAD to introduce me to everyone in his family that showed up. I think I've officially met at LEAST half of his family. When I finally got him on his own, I just kind of...freaked out..and I knew that I couldn't back out. Here's our conversation (from what I remember):

Me: "So...don't hate me..."

Jesse: "It's okay." (I think that was weird for him to say)

Me: "Okay....grrraahhghghhgg. This is hard for me to do" (yes, I growled and I gurgled.)

Jesse: "Okay..."

Me: "So basically...I think I'm getting feelings for you, and I really wanted to just get that out there so that I'm not burdened with that kind of....information."

Jesse: "Haha, okay. Well, I'm in limbo. Like, I just got home from my mission, and this is all new to me, and I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be doing" (And literally, this came milliseconds after I told him, almost as if he was already thinking it, or knew what I was going to say, or...as if he tells girls this kind of thing all the time)

Me: "Oh, that's fine. I just wanted to tell YOU how I felt. Nothing more."

Jesse: "Haha, alright."

Me: "Let's just...try and not make it awkward between us."

Jesse: "Oh of course not. I don't think it'll be awkward."

Me: "Well..I'm an awkward person, so I can't promise anything."

Jesse: "Haha, true." (with his adorable, dimpled, awkward smile and a slight tilt of the head)

And I died.

Okay not really, but I did go home, and freak out, and ate a pint of ice cream while watching Ever After, and then tried to cry myself to sleep. But I didn't.

I'm actually okay with telling him. It feels so nice not to be hiding that from him. And even if he never does like me back, at least I got it out there, and I won't regret never telling him, right?

3 weeks left.