Color Me Crazy

So I got really mad at Jesse yesterday. And I really shouldn't have, because he has no commitment to me whatsoever, but I was still mad. And I'm still mad today even. Yesterday, I saved him a spot at this choir performance, and when he got there, he looked at me, and then just...sat somewhere else. And it made me cry. Which is pathetic, I admit, but it did sting. And then I texted him later, asking him if I could just rant to him for a bit, because I haven't really had the opportunity to just...poor out anything to anyone, because everyone else is going through tough stuff, and I find it very selfish of me to just...add to their problems. And Jesse said that if he could help, he wouldn't mind listening.

But he never text back after saying "I'm in church, I'm still busy." And I got really frustrated, and I deleted his number. And cried. A lot.

Then I decided it was time to get over him. But I know that is NOT going to be easy for me. And I cried more.

Seriously, I just needed to talk to somebody yesterday, and Jesse was one of my last options, and he wouldn't even answer his phone after he SAID he could talk.

So I was p-i-s-s-e-d.

But then, of course, Jesse texted me this morning, telling me that his phone died, and he was stuck in Salt Lake all day, so he couldn't hook up his phone. And I felt awful for hating him.

Then today, I texted him, and he still hasn't text back. He's probably just really busy with classes. But I see him texting all the time, so maybe he just doesn't want to talk. Which sucks. I feel like I'm seriously getting the cold shoulder from him.

I feel stuck, almost. I don't know what to do anymore. And I don't want to get over him, even though I'm going to have to eventually.

I just need something or some one to help me forget about him.