I did something that I regret doing.
It's nothing terrible. Just...I feel like I may have ruined a good friendship with someone.
I sent a letter, telling this someone that I didn't think we should be dating. Right now at least. That we should just remain friends. We've done this whole off-and-on dating thing since late April I believe. And I'm sick of waiting around for him to decide that we either do or don't do something about it.
I have terrible patience. I told Aubrey that I would wait until right before I left to the Caribbean before I gave him an ultimatum. But I couldn't do it. I gave into my head and rashly broke things off.
And after I sent it...I felt awful. I couldn't believe I did it. But I just kinda got used to the fact that I did it, and moved on....until he texted me yesterday. He hadn't read the message yet. And I just felt...so uncomfortable. Like I should tell him not to go on facebook ever again.
But I didn't. And I don't know why. I just. . .let things happen the way I didn't want them to. I had control, but I didn't take it.
And I'm not even sure why I sent him that message in the first place.
I think it was just because I'm scared. Scared of the future. Scared of getting hurt.
There's been too much of that going on in my life as it is, and I didn't want him to be added to the mess.
The truth of the matter is: I'd LOVE to date him. I think I really like this guy. He's a sweetheart. He's been there for me throughout my tough week. I always get shy and tongue-tied around him. I can't ever really be my crazy self because of how nervous I am, haha. And he gives me goosebumps and butterflies. I don't think there's been a guy like that in my life for a while. At least, not to this extent.
I've been sitting in my room for the past few hours, debating whether I should text him back and just tell him the truth. That at the time it seemed right, because everything was going wrong. But now my heart and my head feel that we need this chance. Now.
If anybody reads this. . .do you have any advice?
2 comments:
I've been through something just like this! I know how it feels. Here is my advice- Tell him the truth. Call him and tell him how you do feel and explain the message to him. The things with relationships is that sometimes we over analyze them. If the relationship is meant to be it will happen. (:
A lot of times in life, the scarier something is to do, the more worthwhile it is to follow through with. Besides, you've been clear what you want, so don't let his wishy-washiness rub off on you! Keep being direct! Besides, people can't change when they don't know what they should change, right? And you regret sending him the message when you thought in the first place it was a great idea. The worst that can happen if you tell him the truth about wanting to date him is that it won't work out after all, and you'll regret that obviously..but if you don't straight-out let him know you are SURE to have some regret. I know I've waited too long in the past to say things and I regretted it, so carpe diem! <3
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