Don't Trust Me

I admire those people who have such hard lives and still come out with nothing but a sincere smile on their face. I've been through enough shit myself, and I still try to make my life as happy as possible, but despite all my tribulations, things could be a lot worse.

A friend told me about a man in Tijuana that had absolutely nothing. If I remember right he didn't have much of a job. His house burned to the ground one day, and everything he owned was destroyed. Everything. Yet he was always willing to help out the volunteers that helped build a new house for him. He always brought smiles to every single one of those peoples faces.

Life is hard now. For me. Maybe my situation would be easy for you to go through, maybe not. But for me, it's hard. To put it simply...my dad's...out of the picture. His income gone, my mother barely making enough to keep the rest of us alive. Deep loathing between my family members, my family wanting me to move out as soon as possible, not wanting me to return. I'm not earning any money either, as for the fact that hollister is not giving me any hours. my cousin was just killed in a car accident today, and to top it all off...i don't have a friend consistent or..good enough to be able to come over to their house and just cry because i can't do that in the comfort of my own home without being yelled at.

But i still try to smile. . .I still try to pretend that everything is perfectly alright and that soon things will work themselves out. I pretend that someday my family will appreciate all the hard work I'm doing. I pretend that someday I'll finally be seen as a real friend, and not somebody to be used. I pretend that some day, I will find a friend myself, willing to be there when I need them, and when I don't need an emotional crutch.

Though I must say. . .most of the time I am a pretty convincing liar to myself. . .but i'm not sure I'm really believing myself anymore.

I wish I was Gandhi