No More

I can't just live like this. I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for this guy, and turn around and just wish I was with him.

He's playing with my heart, and to be honest, I don't like it.

I don't need another Zack or another Tingey.

I'm through with pretending that there is nothing between us. I know there is, but he doesn't want to admit to it.

I feel the need to just...Tell him that yes, I do have feelings for him. No, if we're not going to do anything about it then I can't see him anymore. It's only fair. I feel like I'm holding out just to get a chance with him. But why? Maybe I've already had my chance with him. Maybe it's his turn to want a chance with me.

But could I move on to some one knew? I'm not too sure. But if I'm wanting to get married, I can't wait for a guy who's going to put me on hold.

I need some one who's going to WANT to be with me. And not just put me as the "second task," or whatever you want to call it.

It's a one-sided relationship. I've dealt with those. I don't need it. I need some one who wants to do anything for me as much as I want to do anything for him.

How dare you play the age card. How dare you say that three years is a big difference. That we're at different points in our life. That you need to date for marriage. I'm probably closer to getting married than you are! I'm probably more ready for marriage than you think you are! I've been ready to settle down and have kids (mentally) for years now. At least I'm not scared to admit that I want some one. At least I'm not scared to commit. At least I'm not scared to take the next step into life, the only thing that's holding me back is the wait!

The thing I am scared of. . .is telling this to him to his face.

PS

"You know you can't give me what I need, and even though you mean so much to me, I can't wait through everything."